I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
