seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I pour the whiskey from now on
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
