I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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