I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
