I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
