I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
