Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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