Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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