he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
