She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
