ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
