RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
