I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
ttyl tear gas
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Who died my cat blue again?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
