just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
