remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
