how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
