He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
