It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize