Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
