Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
