You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
