i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
