your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
