He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
