Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
