i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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