I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
