the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
