There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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