Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
