trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
