What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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