Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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