there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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