batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
