Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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