I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
