I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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