Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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