Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
