love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
