Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
