mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
