Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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