i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
