I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
