i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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