trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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