Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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