so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
