You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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