From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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