im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
