I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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