If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She's just so happy...and so naked.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
