if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
