I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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