i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
