Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
