and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
